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What Do I Think

Someone asked me recently what I think about when I’m on long runs. They felt like they would get really bored being out that long. You know, I’ve never really thought about what I think about. That was a really great question. I know that the killer for me is to start thinking ahead. Picturing challenging parts of the run ahead or thinking about how far I still need to go. Over the years, I think I have worked on redirecting my thoughts in those instances to getting back into the moment. I think about how lucky I am. Just to be out running. That my body is able to do it. And that somehow I found a running partner who is also my life partner. It’s amazing that my life, through all its ups and downs, has led to this point. I seem to be describing gratitude. Gratitude is the easiest way for me to shift into positive thinking. And stay in the moment. Let’s be honest, staying in the moment really only works if you like the moment you’re in.

Sometimes, when Steven and I are running together, we talk. We talk about whatever. Places we’d like to go, things we’d like to do etc. Sometimes we talk about work, family or real life goings on. A lot of the time we talk about pretty random things. We make up stories about the people we see. We’ll make up names of people and conjure up some drama in their lives. And we will discuss, at length, the possible rationale for not waving or nodding hello. My brain needs to have an explanation as to why someone would not say hello back when out running or cycling on a bike path. What kind of a monster ignores a friendly hello? Sickos. That’s who. We talk about what hurts and what doesn’t. We talk about whether we’re digging away in our pain caves or not.

Pain caves. A term we learned from world class ultra runner Courtney Dauwalter. The idea that you know you’re going to be in pain on these long runs. And each time you are training yourself to understand that you can withstand more pain than you thought. So you go into your cave and you chip away at the wall. And the next time you’re in that much pain, you already know you can handle that much. So you go back in the cave and chip away some more. It’s not so much about focusing on how much pain I’m in. It’s reminding myself that although it’s very uncomfortable, it is actually tolerable. I can handle it. And shifting the perspective back to reality. I’m not dying. I’m not injured. I’m pushing my body and it wants to stop. But I will regret that. I will only feel better for a minute if I quit. Then I’ll feel worse. A physical pain is way better than a regret in my book. So that’s more or less the point. That’s the pep talk I give myself so I can ignore the pain and keep going.

Steven and I like to binge watch TV shows. Especially after a long run. We’ll lie on the couch, eating junk food and watching a show. (We have a rule that if we run over 15 miles, we are allowed to eat whatever we want. It really incentivizes running at least 15 miles.) I often get very invested in these shows and think about them while running. We talk about our theories and opinions of the stories. It’s a good jumping off point for whole thought tangents in my head or a conversation with him. I also often start to fantasize about what I will eat or drink when I’m done. It’s rarely anything healthy. I crave absolute junk while I’m out there. Mountain Dew. Nachos. Pizza. Fries. Fried Pickles. Mmmmm. But if I’m worn out and slowing down, I can get myself moving with the mere thought that I’m going to get to be lazy and gluttonous as soon as I’m actually finished. I’ll usually start repeating the mantra to myself: ‘the faster I run, the sooner I’m done.’ In my experience, this works better later on in the run. If I start thinking this way too early, I just get anxious and don’t enjoy the experience much at all. Best to stay in the moment as much as possible. Or escape into nonsense fantasy. But it doesn’t work out to spend the entire run wanting it to be over.

When people say that running is mostly mental, they’re really saying that your thinking is what makes or breaks you. I don’t know if I agree with the idea that it’s mostly mental. It’s a physical activity that requires physical training. But requires mental training just the same. And if you don’t teach yourself to stay positive and confident, you’re probably going to struggle. Thoughts gather momentum. They gather steam and push forward in whatever direction they’re going. People love to be right. If you start saying “I can’t do this” your thoughts will try to reinforce that idea. It becomes “I can’t do this because…” But the beautiful flip side of that is that if you say “I can do this” your mind will still just want to be right. Try to use this to your advantage. If you’re thinking about being bored, try to think about what you would be doing so you wouldn’t be bored. We are all gifted with imaginations and the ability to make up stories in our heads. Or little tricks to pass time. Sometimes I’ll just count. Or try to recite things from memory. Lyrics to a song, lines to a movie etc. Try to be grateful for the opportunity to learn to get to know yourself and establish the ability to become your own source of entertainment. The greatest gift we can give ourselves is to become comfortable in our own skin and to find out that we’re the most entertaining person we know.